I just had to copy these from theholidayspot.com - it's just like opening Christmas crackers early! Enjoy.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles !

What's Christmas called in England ?
Yule Britannia !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ?
Beacause a little water ends both of them !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?
Platform shoes !

What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
I'm going out tonight !

Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy !

How long does it take to burn a candle down ?
About a wick !

I know you all think I'm very serious but after two days of being stuck inside with my boys (such awful rain) I decided to find something to keep me amused! This comes courtesy of Riddles and Jokes.com so enjoy.

Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.

A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Familiarity breeds children.

For adult education, nothing beats children.

God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Having children will turn you into your parents.

If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - actually from Erma Bombeck

One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.

Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

The best thing to spend on your children is time.

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.

You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.

Sorry this may seem early but as a mum with two young kids I have to think ahead!

Love it or hate it, whether it's a religious celebration or an excuse to drink and eat lots you can't get away from it, christmas is on it's way. But this festive time of year is not only a drain on the pocket but also on the environment. Did you know that around 83 square km of wrapping paper will end up in the UK's bins (wasteonline.org.uk). And that up to one billion Christmas cards will be binned, estimating that 200000 trees will be cut down just to make the cards and envelopes in the UK alone (aberdeencity.gov.uk). There is a way you can get a 'greener' Christmas and it wont add extra to your bank balance. Here are a few tips:

Buy a plastic tree - most are very realistic now and can be re-used year after year. If you want a real tree why not go for pot grown (make sure they were grown in the pot not just dug up into). After Christmas you can put it out in the garden (keeping it in a pot will keep the tree small). Or you could even plant it.

Restrict those lights - we are British after all! Your house doesn't have to be lit up light the Blackpool illuminations and remember to keep them off when they're not needed (during the day). Your electricity bill will be grateful too!!

Why not send ecards this year instead of real ones - especially to people you work with that you see every day.

Save time and fuel by getting your presents online - thet are just as cheap as in the shops (even with postage) and you wont have to fight through the crowds.

Consider buying someone a membership to a group such as the RSPB. The World Land Trust buys land to replant trees - a great way to spend that Christmas money. Alternatively why not find eco-friendly shops and have presents sent to your loved ones direct - I have listed many such companies on my site (www.ecoready.info) and most will do Christmas hampers.

When chosing your Christmas fare buy local - most places now have farmers markets where the produce is fresh, seasonal and local. Support your local organic farmers too as well as trying to buy free range poultry and meat. Christmas isn't a happy time of year for the Turkeys!

Very young children don't need expensive electronic toys. You'll find great stocking fillers on the internet and car boot sales - lots of mine have come from ebay.

Get rechargeable batteries. They are expensive initially but will save you a lot in the long run. ALWAYS dispose of your batteries through proper facilities - dumped batteries release a lot of toxic products into the air, earth and even the water system.

Always recycle what you can't reuse; take unwanted gifts to charity shops or put on ebay.

And don't forget the birds as the weather turns colder. Leave a little something for them and make their Christmas too!

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. You only need to have seen the flooding earlier this year to see how real this can be. No matter how much rain water falls, fresh water is one of lifes essentials - did you know that a man can survive for a month without food but only seven days without water? If we lose just 1% of our body's water we become thirsty. Here are a few tips to help conserve our precious resource and perhaps save some money (especially if you have a water meter).

Take a shower rather than a bath, but try and limit you shower time to three minutes. It can be done and you are just as clean.

Avoid power showers - they use up just as much if not more water than a bath.

Don't run the shower before you get in - it wastes pecious water and the cold blast is good for you.

Try washing your hair, then soaping your body, then rinsing all off at once. It does save time.

Use environmentally friendly products. Don't forget everything you use to clean, be it yourself or your house, will end up in the water system. Some ingredients use in cleaning products and cosmetic products are really quite harmful - sodium laueth sulfate (SLS) for example is in most shampoos, body washes, toothpastes etc but is a known carcinogen. It is used because it is cheap and makes the item foam. It also is the ingredient that makes your eyes sore if you get it in them!

Grey water (bath water or washing up water) can be used on the garden (check what you have put in it first), to wash your car or even windows. You could even fill up a bucket and use it to flush your loo!

It takes between 2 and 7 gallons of water to flush your loo (depending on the size of your cistern). Reduce this amount by putting an inflatable 'brick' in your cistern to stop it overfilling. If you have a dual flush try to use the half flush. It used to be advised to use a half brick in your cistern but it has been reported that over time these crumble and block things up.

Turn the tap off when brushing you teeth.

Don't rinse your dishes under a running tap.

Try to avoid dishwashers - if you do use a dishwasher make sure it is full before operating; the same applies to washing machines.

For more great water saving tips check out my site at www.ecoready.info. I have also sourced some great UK stores that give the best eco-friendly products; please give them a visit. Don't forget that everything you put into the water system will eventually come back to you via your tap. Makes you think doesn't it?

Remember, remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason and plot!

But here are another couple of things to think about before you start your fireworks party:

Check your bonfire carefully - a nice pile of wood and leaves is an ideal place for wildlife (especially hedgehogs) to consider as a bed.

Secure your pets - they don't like loud bangs.

Consider the plant life around, make sure you aren't going to cause any damage to trees and plants with your fire or fireworks.

Always keep a bucket of water (or sand) close by, just in case.

If the wind is blowing strongly make sure your fire is safely away from everything else.

If your firework doesn't light, don't go back to it - you'll be amazed how many accidents have happened through returning to smouldering fireworks.

Keep your fireworks safe in a metal tin.

Protect your children at all times and keep them away from the fireworks.

Please be considerate of others - there are elderly people and familes with very young children who don't want to be disturbed!

Have a great Guy Fawkes Night - wish I could join in but a 6 month old doesn't like them! Oh well, there's always next year, or the year after, or the one after that.....!